Top 5 jokes...

enjoy....

1) DON'T LIE TO KIDS

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.

The little girl says, "What's under there?"

So the man answers, "A bird."

The girl goes away and the man falls asleep.

When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.

A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, "What happened?"

The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl."

So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.

When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.

So they ask her if she did anything to the man.

She answers,

" I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs."

**gosh, that girl needs anger management class, A.S.A.P., before she 'murders' again...**

_________________________________________________________________


2)This is SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!






Spartalisa...



Simon : huh?



Oww....what's in there?


hahahahahahaha

_______________________________________________________

3) Miss Universe Q&A Session

Question: Ms America,how do you describe a male organ in your
country?

Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America are like
gentlemen.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman......

(Applause! Applause!)



Question: Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms Spain: Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight
or
Toro(Bull)

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Spain: Because it charges every time it sees an opening.

(Applause! Applause!)



Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your
country?

Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are
like gossip or rumors.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Philippines: Because it passes from mouth to mouth.

(Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)



Question: Ms Iran, how do you describe a male organ in your Country?

Ms Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms I ran: Because they like to enter through the back door.

(Applause!Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)



Question: Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms India: Well, I can say the male organs in India are like
laborers.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms India: Because it works day and night......

(Applause!Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!
Applause!)



Question: Ms China, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms China: Well, I can say that Male Organs in China are like Deng Siu
Ping.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms China: Short and hard working, but can work until 90.

(Applause!Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause!Applause!)



Question: Ms Singapore, how do you describe a male organ in your
country?

Ms Singapore: Well, I can say that male organ In Singapore is very
Kiasu (Afraid to lose).

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Singapore: It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes
before the show is over.

(Applause! Applause!Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!
Applause!)




Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your
country?

Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like
Proton car.

Question: How can you say so?

Ms Malaysia: Look tough but actually very soft.

(Applause!Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause!Applause!)

**I am so insulted!!!....good laugh though...**

___________________________________________________________________


4)REVENGE!!!

A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO, I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200?"

**=_="**


___________________________________________________________


5)Backseat Cook

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."


____________________________________________________


Extracted from http://forum.lowyat.net/JokesHeaven

This two months to come, i have very limited internet access...so, i can't blog frequently...

My SISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA is back for her semester break...
she'll be using the PC most of the time....

tata...and take care!

I love you, God...

God must have known i am very sad and disappointed this few days....

I went to church...



...and i got this from Him...


What do you see? I see a lip-shaped fire....

GOD....I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

I know You will guide me, hold my hands all the way through the darkest moments of my life... :-)...

Thanks, God!

Around Seremban(Food)...

Here are some recommended dishes...

1) BBQ Crab



Location : Seremban Crab Village, Lobak, 70200 Seremban, Negeri Sembilan
Price : RM40/kg

Ironically, the best part of this dish is not the pincers' meat. It's the grilled sticky layer of honey + sugar + soy sauce on the outside of shell!!!

SUPER DELICIOUS!
*drool*


This sauce has milk in it....
it makes the crab even tastier!

A bit pricey though...

Besides BBQ crab, Seremban offers many other ways to cook crabs to satisfy your taste buds...
We have Bovril Crab, Butter and Salted Egg Yolk Crab etc...


2) Seremban Siew Pau

Location : Seremban Siew Pow Food Stuff Ent. Sdn. Bhd, 1607, Jalan Rasah, 70300 Seremban, Negeri Sembilan
Price : RM 1.00 / piece



Siew Pau is actually the 'signature' food of Seremban. The owner of Seremban Siew Pow Food Stuff Ent. Sdn. Bhd had even opened a few franchises in KL and Singapore!!!

Yeah, it's THAT famous!



The fillings : minced chicken/pork, onion. soy sauce and 'secret recipe'

I must say it's a must try!

With such an affordable price, tourists can 'ta pao' this baked 'pou' as many as possible and bring back to their own countries, either to munch slowly later on or give them away as 'edible souvenirs'!

No need to get frustrated over what gifts to buy now!


3) there are many others....


Yam roll with cashew nuts, red onions and cuttlefish.


Thai-style fried chicken


Seafood tofu cubes...

These dishes are served in most of the Chinese restaurants in Seremban...

TRY THEM!

Rejected...

After SPM results are announced, there will be scholarship hoo-haas. Everyone hunts for application forms, rushing there and here to get certs done, such a chaos!!! I myself have applied for quite a number of scholarships and with 10A1's and 1(miserable) A2 plus an additional A1 in GCE-O level English, I thought I, at least can be offered two or more scholarships....

i was wrong....

BNM(Bank Negara), AmanahRaya, TNB(Tenaga Nasional Berhad), Khazanah were among those who rejected my applications...hell, i can't even get Malaysian Matriculation. *sigh*





I guess my enemies will be laughing and jumping happily like hyenas by now...

ok...straight to the point. I AM NOT SATISFIED with their selection!

*i am going to rant and boast, don't read if don't like*

I am not trying to blow my own trumpet here. But since i got lots of trumpets, i am going to blow some anyway...hehe...

How could they missed selecting me? Read some of my achievements below...

______________________________________________

Academics :

• UPSR-5A's
• PMR-7A's
• SPM-All A1 except BM
• Very consistent in school exams.
• Won state level Kuiz Sains Alam Semula Jadi, went on to represent the state, got 4th.
• Certificate of Merit in National Chemistry Quiz

Co-curriculum(only during form4 and 5) :

National level:

• Maxis-Star CyberlinQ Web Community Competition - Champion
• Toyota Eco Youth Programme - 1st runners-up
• National First Aid Competition - 1st runners-up
• National AIDS Camp

State Level :

• First Aid Competition - 3rd
• Leadership Camp

(Not stating others because State level certs do not have that much value when applying scholarships)

Awards :

National Level:

• Pingat Jasa Terpuji-Belia (Meritorious Service Medal-Youth). To be presented later this year by Yang Dipertuan Besar Negeri Sembilan
• MRCS(Malaysian Red Crescent Society) Outstanding Youth Award

State Level:

• MRCS PMR Award

School Level :

• Principal's Award for excellence in school exams.
• Two Outstanding Georgian Awards.

Posts :

• Red Crescent Society-Assistant Head Section Leader
• Invention Club - Assistant Secretary
• Science and Mathematics Club - Committee Member
• Toyota Eco Youth Programme - President
• State First Aid Competition - Leader
• Assistant Class Monitor

(due to commitments to too many national level projects, my posts weren't that good)


Others (lower secondary) :

• SEED(Schlumberger Excellence In Educational Development) International Water Project.
• State Shell Traffic Competition-champion for three consecutive years
• State Foot-drill competition : champion
  

_______________________________________________

*proud*
I am excellent or what!

or is it there are many others better than me?

I doubt that....

But i have no doubt that many undeserving people got the scholarships just because of their unquestionable rights as 'the original Malaysians', so to speak...

No meritocracy at all....*furious*

And i am not rich...just average...parents can't even afford to sponsor me to study medicine...now, that's poor rite?

Well, i can do nothing about this(the selections) as what is done is done.

BUT!

Don't expect me to serve this corrupted nation next time...

They don't want me, FINE!!! They just missed a talent...

I WILL BE A GREAT in the future! I mean it...mark my words...
When the time comes, don't accuse me of being unpatriotic for not serving the nation!
*another brain drain case coming up* yay!


p/s : i am still being optimistic about obtaining JPA scholarship which is due to be out by second week of May. Chances are slim though...
p/p/s : ok...i am arrogant and kept showing off...
but hey, you gotta know how 'unfair' the selections are, rite? :-P

Around Seremban....

As you know, 2007 is Visit Malaysia Year.

Having stayed in Seremban for the past 9 years, I've known this place inside out. So, I would like to share with you everything about Seremban...

read on, bitches...(There you go, Seremban people are rude...hehe)

Seremban, Negeri Sembilan is a not-so-advanced city. I always wondered why.
Why Johor, Selangor, Melaka can be so developed while this Negeri Sembilan land is still 10 years behind? ok...maybe 5 years behind...well, it has to do with those corrupted politicians, i think :(.

Places of Interest

1) Seremban Lake Gardens


This is a nice place to jog, picnic and fish. Few years back, the Seremban Municipal Council didn't allow fishing because apparently the lake had very minimal fish. Those fish had no desire for sex whatsoever...sad, sad,sad.

But then, in 2004, 10 of SMKKGV(a high school nearby)'s students came up with a project to promote rape among fishes(:P...joking). I was one of the members. *proud*. We tested the lake water and it was too fertile for fish to grow! That's why it was so green! So, we did something and dumped a few hundred fish fries into the lake.

Oh, btw, we did that for the sake of winning RM10,000, not for the good of community....pathetic hor?
At least you can fish now!

There's nothing special about this lake, but occasionally you can spot a few slimy wet condoms lying proudly on the ground and people wank around! *horror*

Part of the lake is now under 'construction'. Last time, it used to have a nice place to sit and view the panorama. But, the place is now fenced up...DURING VMY2007!!!


2) State Museum


The Istana built without a single nail. o.0. That's something to be bragged about!


Minangkabau (bull-horn building)

This museum is so not popular... :-(
I've never been to this museum since I moved to Seremban.
But I paid a visit here last month during a Ghost Exhibition...

The Istana which is empty is exactly like my Grandma's ex-house. In fact, Grandma's bigger...

The museum itself is as boring as the exhibition.
Later, i will tell you why the exhibition is ludicrous....

If you plan to visit the Ghost Exhibition, forget it!
well, it was organised by a government body but they themselves decided to cancel it off...
"This exhibition promote supernatural beliefs, it seems..."
*crap*


Djinn : "My hair is superb. So, worship me and you'll get the exact one. How cool is that?"


Djinns : "We are like barbie dolls!!! Come gurl, comb our hair..."


Djinns : "Our nails are so perfect!"

*crap*

Come on laa...
As though we cannot differentiate what's right and what's wrong!!! We are mature enough ok...

I don't see any problem with the exhibition, only that the djinns are of the same species.
What makes them different is the number of heads.....1...2...3...*yawns**ridiculous*

Ha! Very funny...

so, they canceled the exhibition, afraid that we might turn into djinns and tarnish Vision 2020...
if like that hor, why don't they catch Mat Rempits and punish them?
they are promoting illegal racing what....

but no...

those Mat Rempits got to go to North Pole and sky dive for free!!
sponsored by us, the tax payers!!!


READ : From Mat Rempit to Pole jumpers

syiok or what?

Mat Rempits said they have repented.
oh YEAH? really? Only dumbos will believe...
so fake ok!!!

I am trying to be a good boy all this while, hoping the government can sponsor me.
but now...*evil grin*
I wanna be Mat Rempit!!!!! Can go North Pole see Bear Bear!! *determined*
"dream on Albert, you don't even have a bike to rempit on..."

-_-"

hmm...i think sooner or later, rapists will be awarded too...

Alright! Back to places of interest.....

I can only suggest the two locations above because the rest are just.....T.T
So sorry to say that Seremban is a dull place...
That's why I spend half the blog writing out of topic....
Otherwise, I have nothing to write on because Seremban is so so so so so boring.....

But do drop by Seremban because we have delicious food....
Don't spend too much time in Seremban though.
I am afraid you will die of boredom...

tata....

My Darling, Miss Canon....(from friendster, 24/2/07)

I was so horny for the past few weeks...

Don't get me wrong. Horny as in fantazising about cameras all the time...:P...
after some researches through the web , I found that the sexiest and most useful (functions) digicam is Canon A710IS...yeah, i just dumped my previous fantasy (Canon 850IS)...

*Welcome to my heaven, sexy Miss Canon....

* I HATE YOU!!!so expensive!!!

This sudden mushrooming of 'Camera Lust' forced me to fork out RM1300...

So, yesterday, I went to Midvalley to buy the desired camera...of course it was after a week of gruelling 12am-4am daily researches...you see, RM 1300 isn't a small a mount for me ok, must plan everything properly...

Inevitably, Midvalley FOTOKEM offers the best price for Canon A710IS...

RM 1250 = camera set + 1GB Toshiba SD card + full tripod + pouch + print vouchers + rechargeable batteries(4) + charger + silicon screen protector + wrist strap...

But i paid extra RM 50 to get a better SD card...:P...it's not neccessary, just hand itchy, pull out another RM50...damn!!!

Other shops (around Seremban and Midvalley) offer the camera alone for a whopping RM 1249...WTF...

Thank God I am smart...:P

Overall i am quite pleased with my darling...see for yourself...the magic she has...

Deplorable lifestyle...

senja

Posing droplets...

Flower

Alright, maybe I am great, not her....hehe...

I must say she's so sweet and mesmerizing yet so fragile....i kept molesting her until accidentally scratched her (YOUCH!!!!) on the first day itself...

i am so rough and horny...

WATCH OUT LADIES!!!
...here i come...*smug*

TARA-Once in a lifetime...(from friendster, 21/2/07)

Right after SPM last year, I started getting hooked up to The Amazing Race Asia(TARA). To be specific, I like M&M brothers. When summer_wizard said 'hooked up', it means VERY ADDICTED:-staying up late till 4am just to chat with other forummers and M&M at amazing-race-asia.axn-asia.com., thinking of amazing race asia all the time (eat, sleep, shit, dream...:P)

After SPM, my school friends and I were drifted apart...some went overseas, others are busy working and studying...really lonely at that time...but God is so generous....

Through TARA, I've got the chance to befriend people across the region, M&M bros(Jakarta), redllldevil(bintulu), durengal(Jakarta), babylexus(Miri), rikireina(KL), 4everblue(The Philippines), and others. This fellas are great though they treat me like a small innocent piglet (esp redllldevil..:P) just because i am underaged...wait till after 25 Feb, I shall join their league!!!:). They share their thoughts, and vice versa..really look forward to meet them in person...

It is a dream come true for a die hard fan to watch M&M on TV and finally work for one of them...anyway, this is what happened to our sweet chick duren. She's working for Marsio and at the same time, spying on her boss on behalf of us...:P...deep in my heart, i felt like strangling duren to death and take over her place...hehhee....just joking...:P but hey, i am damn jealous ok!!!

Above all, I've found out what's my passion - PHOTOGRAPHY...it is through Marsio Juwono(professional photographer)...his masterpieces at www.neo-classic.com really impressed me...

Don't you just hoped that this photo was snapped by you?

*photo from neo-classic

But I don't see myself as a full-time photographer in the future....really hard to cari makan you know...unless you are helluva good at snapping photos...so, better let photography be my hobby...

Nevertheless, photography is an expensive hobby. I wanted so badly a SLR camera but that's out of reach, no money-lah. Unless you guys wanna donate...:P

Meantime, I am targeting a Canon 850IS, it's cheaper...around RM1.5k...any other suggestions?

*for more info about this sexy hot digicam...click here

So, you see, TARA isn't once in a lifetime experience for the participants, but also an invaluable experience for the fans too...we got to gain new friends, new jobs, new hobbies and real 'care and share'...
Thanks my TARA friends...:-)

What a man wants from his gurl...(from friendster, 18/2/07)

so, this is what men, basically, want from their chicks...

Men want :

• SEX... *lecherous smile* the first thing that crosses men's mind when they see a hot chick...unless he's a gay or transvestite...

• SEXY BEAUT....it doesn't matter if you are ugly or fat, it's the way you present yourself...in other words, men want confident and sexy and gurly gals and some basic seducing actions (licking your lips passionately, wink your eyes etc)...trust me, they will receive your signal...nevertheless, 'no pain no gain', you need intensive training before trying out those seducing acts.

  

*Beyonce, every men's dreamgurl

• FOOD...no yummy food---> no love---> no care---> no mood ---> no sex---> no babies---> EPL matches + kacang + beer....seriously, it can be real problematic and frustrating if a chick can't cook yummy food...as the chinese saying goes "if you want your man to stick to you, take care of his stomach first"

• ATTENTION. Do not say your neighbour is handsome!!!!no matter how handsome is Brad Pitt, tell your man that he's better looking...keep telling lies...some lies are permitted...*smug*
  

• *LOVE...some men are secretive and seldom show their affection towards their chicks because they want to appear macho...so, gals be patient ok...show them your undivided love...

Men don't want:

• MANLY women. Manly as in doing whatever men could do. eg: scratching crotch, armpits...digging nose, ears...walking and sitting with wide gap between legs..

• CHEAP women. I bet no men are willing to share their respective chick holes with others...:P...and no let their chicks go licking lips and winking eyes at pubs...

• FISHY women. I mean the fishy smell...you know, the smell that each housewife owns right after they cook...

• AUNTIE-AUNTIE-LIKE-WOMEN. Dressing loose clothes like the oldies is definitely a no-no...men wouldn't want to bring out their ugly ducklings to socialise...be classy, talk and walk like a star...

• DEMANDING women. "Honey, that ring is so nice...that necklace is pretty...wow, i want that night gown..." imagine how men feel...well, maybe he will buy the appealing night gown ...briefly, men(majority) do anything and everything for themselves first..

• *LOVE...yeah, men want sex instead of love...

• BALD women

*Spears, every men's nightmare

Gals, if you want to be a successful wife/gf, please take note of the mentioned points....start making a difference in your life...and put on that flirtatious smile, always!!!

okok....some of you might be damn angry with me for stating some points...go get a sand bag and punch like a bitch barking, pretend sand bag = summer_wizard ok :P...

i don't care...

FREE SEX!!! (from friendster, 15/2/07)

I bet when you guys read the title, your mind will go ,"wow...i need to read this...summer_wizard is offering sex and service...must be good"...

hell NO!!! i am not letting you widen my anus diameter...:P....hehe...
Don't go berserk, ok?

Anyway, this is one of the many ways to attract public's attention in business world that i've learnt in my course...i remember a billboard(not in malaysia) showing SEX in real huge letters but the subtopic was "Did i get your attention??? Please visit BURGER XXXXX"(i forgot the name)...nice huh??

As the PIG year is approaching, I would like to share the advantages and disadvantages of celebrating CNY (from my point of view)

ADVANTAGES

1. Angpau's of course...$$$$$$$$$....
2. Eat lots of mandarin oranges, which contains helluva cellulase, makes you shit like a king...byebye sembelit...:)
3. Food. CNY is the only season when sharkfin, abalones, sea cucumbers and others gather on my lil dining table...::::drooling::::
4. Drinks. Yahoo!!! endless beers and carbonated drinks flowing...(and chrysanthemum tea for kiddies like you!) :P
5. Hot chicks. Gurls visiting your house and people like GM will go wooooohooooo...:::drooling::: and talking cock about whatever...hehe...cheers GM :P

DISADVANTAGES

1. CNY songs. Stupit toothless lil gurls shaking their heads and unappetising asses...(taken ecstacy i guess) and singing horribly...WTF
2. Fat layers. (Food + Drinks) x Excessive x Sleep = FAT FAT FAT!!! Gurls, sorry if the equation traumatise you...:P
3. Talkative aunties and uncles visiting and talking cock about their sons/daughters...and laugh till can see two rows of yellowish teeth and red pale gums....damnit!!!haunting me...
4. Celebrating birthday together with CNY...Killing two birds with one stone...my parents are laughing all the way to the bank....can save money from buying cakes and presents... cis cis cis...:(

In conclusion, the advantages of celebrating CNY outweighs the disadvantages (by one point). It is better to celebrate CNY merrily to reap maximum profits...hehe...(reminds me of Mdm Chu, ex-EST teacher) :)

OK...you've been patient enough to read thus far...
Now, want free sex and service? Please feel free to visit my neighbours who happen to be prostitutes...(ceh ceh ceh...promote pulak)...:P...Call 1300 XX 2525...request for anytype of hot chicks : Hawaian combo, Vegie orgy, Classic chick-en, Extravaganza, Flaming Hot Tuna Gurl...hehe :P...

Wow....imagine that...a Hawaian *pizza scent* chick....

HOT or WHAT!!!!!

GOTCHA!!!!!!

*scurried to toilet to*ahem*

* PUKE!!!! of course!!!!*